Robert James DeFord

I've been slagging on my knitting. My father passed away Friday night and I've been attached to my mom since. Wow. Typing that really sucks.

As fucked up and weird and morbid as it sounds, he wasn't supposed to be first. My mom was always the sick one. Not my dad. It just brings down your entire world when the strongest person you know, is suddenly just gone. I talked to him not more than an hour before. He was so happy and excited. Me and my sister were going to see Body Worlds and we teased them by saying we were going at 3 in the morning due to OMSIs 24 hour schedule for the closing week. He told me it would be so fun and that we should go. He said he would even pay for me and my sister to go.

Less that 2 hours later I was seeing my father for the very last time. He was laying on a gurney in the er. He was all cold and bloated and blotchy. He would have never wanted me to see him like that. I know he wouldn't have. His wish was to always be creamated. Its weird. As prepared as we're finding he may have been, nobody saw it coming. He had no idea. We go in tomorrow to find out whether or not he had mortage insurance. My great aunt Laura and Uncle Mahlon say its expensive and weird. My Uncle Dale thinks he did. I'm praying for the best.

My dad is gone and everything is set with his funeral. My concern now is my mom. I love her dearly and I am here for her now. My dad would have wanted us to be here.

I took some time out and got away last night. I went home and just freaked out. I sat in my room and sobbed. I have this picture frame with the mini frames in it. It has some of my most favoritest pictures in it. One of my dad picking a lemon squeezy bottle off the ceiling like it was a lemon. There's one of my mom and dad in front of my 75 cutlass on their 25th wedding anniversary.

I for real miss my daddy. :(