The Real LJ Idol

I don't know if anybody reads this besides my mom, but I am in the Real LJ Idol competition. I am excited. If you would like to cheer me on, go here and scope me out. This week is just a 0 week topic, so no eliminations. But, so far the buzz around me has been pretty decent and I am excited for whats to come, even if I don't win.

:)

Now, go cheer me on!

annnnnnnnnd, life will probably never be the same.

I've never dealt with death or had I even seen a corpse. This is all too surreal for me. Its getting harder and harder to grapple with every day. I'm just trying to make it one day at a time, you know?

I finished one of the Eeby slippers, I am getting further and further in to my k1,p1 scarf. It seems like anything that needs thinking I try to pass on. Its a lot easier to just have one repetitive motion to follow. Thinking isn't something I want to try right now.

I imagine what is making this more difficult is that he wasn't sick, this wasn't something any of us "saw coming" I always figured my dad would outlive me, my mom, maybe my sister. I always imagined him as a grandfather and finally having something to be proud at me for...

It just feels like a bad dream.

Robert James DeFord

I've been slagging on my knitting. My father passed away Friday night and I've been attached to my mom since. Wow. Typing that really sucks.

As fucked up and weird and morbid as it sounds, he wasn't supposed to be first. My mom was always the sick one. Not my dad. It just brings down your entire world when the strongest person you know, is suddenly just gone. I talked to him not more than an hour before. He was so happy and excited. Me and my sister were going to see Body Worlds and we teased them by saying we were going at 3 in the morning due to OMSIs 24 hour schedule for the closing week. He told me it would be so fun and that we should go. He said he would even pay for me and my sister to go.

Less that 2 hours later I was seeing my father for the very last time. He was laying on a gurney in the er. He was all cold and bloated and blotchy. He would have never wanted me to see him like that. I know he wouldn't have. His wish was to always be creamated. Its weird. As prepared as we're finding he may have been, nobody saw it coming. He had no idea. We go in tomorrow to find out whether or not he had mortage insurance. My great aunt Laura and Uncle Mahlon say its expensive and weird. My Uncle Dale thinks he did. I'm praying for the best.

My dad is gone and everything is set with his funeral. My concern now is my mom. I love her dearly and I am here for her now. My dad would have wanted us to be here.

I took some time out and got away last night. I went home and just freaked out. I sat in my room and sobbed. I have this picture frame with the mini frames in it. It has some of my most favoritest pictures in it. One of my dad picking a lemon squeezy bottle off the ceiling like it was a lemon. There's one of my mom and dad in front of my 75 cutlass on their 25th wedding anniversary.

I for real miss my daddy. :(

I am bad at guesstimates.

When I look at things I've made and I try to estimate how far along I am in my process I always look at it as more of a time thing, rather than a product thing. I think more in the terms of TIME rather than HOW MUCH I have done. Like, I propose, this will take me a week. and then I'm done the next day. haha.

Anyway, I am going to continue making these pithy hats until I can get the pattern down PERFECT. :)

Its been a decent week. I was supposed to host a bbq tonight. I won't be. School is starting tonight (I work at an electrician apprentice program in the office). I love these boys, but sometimes I'd rather ignore them. Don't worry, they love me, too.

I wish I had pictures for you today... but I don't. I left my camera at home, and really all I have to show you is either my old navy cardigan I can finally wear again because of the cooler weather, or the fact that I made it to work today in my car. I am slowly picking up the balance thing and getting the 4 speed down. Its tricky and definitely no where near the same as my precious automatic. It seems like theres a lot of unnecessary movement. I think its cute though. :)

On another note, did anyone watch Rock of Love last night? Thoughts? Discuss.

Weeds is on tonight. :)

On another another note, Saves The Day - Do You Know What I Love The Most is my cleaning/kick ass in the office song for the day.